


dancing with the devil

by AssumingMinds19



Series: disturbed natures [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Recovery, Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-08-27 06:11:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16696966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssumingMinds19/pseuds/AssumingMinds19
Summary: Ruby Arias went from being on the honour role at college to expelled in her final quarter with no chance at appeal. With no direction and zero desire to slink back to her deceased father’s overbearing family, she moves in with her pseudo Aunt’s, Kara, Lena and their young family.Lost in the world, the last thing Ruby wants to do is properly reconnect with her mother again outside of her biannual visits. But when, after a decade in a psychiatric ward, Sam finally gets considered for release she doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter.ORA sequel to Flirting With Madness following the story of Sam and Ruby as they both try to navigate their worlds the best way they know how.





	1. Hatred Requires Caring

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dearly beloved readers and welcome to the sequel of Flirting With Madness.
> 
> Couple of notes before we get started on this new grand tale, this is obviously a sequel so there will be many references to it’s predecessor in this fic. However, if you don’t feel like reading that Goliath of a tale, you will be able to understand what’s going on here. I'm guessing you’ll pick up the gist of what went on in FWM within a few chapters anyway.
> 
> Also, as with my first story this one will be dealing with some pretty heavy stuff. SO TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO NEED IT. There’ll be mental health issues as a given, but I’m also going to be touching on abuse. As ever I will write trigger warnings with chapters that showcase actual scenes or heavy references, for those who need it. 
> 
> Finally, SuperCorp is prevalent in this tale and will be very much in the story, but unlike FWM the story isn’t going to be written from Lena and Kara’s perspectives alternately, but from Sam and her daughter Ruby. 
> 
> This is an AU, so there will obviously be departure from cannon. If that isn’t your jam, this probably isn’t the fic for you. But if you’re down for a little adventure off the beaten path, give it a go!
> 
> Happy Reading :)

Ruby always was an early riser.

 

When she was younger, it tended to be a necessity. Making sure she was fed, cleaned and got to school on time was always more her thing than her mother’s. It wasn’t that her mom didn’t care for her, but she didn’t particularly care about Ruby’s education.

 

Do you want to be a sheep your whole life?

 

Excellent advice for an eight year a full grade below her reading level.

 

Still, despite the dumpster fire that was her formative years (a fire that was still burning but was shoved extremely far in the back of her head). Ruby’s life track hadn’t been completely derailed. Being adopted by a father she’d never known before and completely removed from her former patterns of life, Ruby definitely felt like a fish out of water.

 

The one thing in her life that had become her constant, was throwing herself into school. She caught up quickly under the guidance of some of the best teachers in the country at one of the best private schools in the country. Apparently, rags to riches tales weren’t exclusive to musicals and her Dad’s family was loaded.

 

Ruby liked her father, she really did, but it always seemed that he had ‘rescued’ her because he was a moral person rather than genuinely affectionate. Her grandmother was a whole other story, hence the boarding schools she had been shunted into. Her stepmother was… ok.

 

Her grades had jumped from barely flourishing to the highest in her class in a year, and suddenly Ruby discovered that she actually adored learning. She consumed herself in books and classes, making some time for the plethora of extracurricular activities that her grandmother insisted that she take.

 

She didn’t have many friends, but for the first time in a long time, Ruby did feel genuinely happy. The letters her mother sent her were a bit of a downer to start with and the weekly phone call tended to be draining. At the start, it had been the supervision, the fact that neither of them could really say anything to each other. Later, it was because Ruby really didn’t have anything left to say.

 

Her grades were good, she was happy but the older she got, the emptier she began to feel. Things she had sealed away tended to arise at bad times and Ruby really just didn’t want to deal with it. A part of her was terrified that she was heading down the same pathway as her mother.

 

What if she ended up being exactly like her? What then?

 

Was she doomed and destined to have a room side by side in a ward somewhere? Next to a crazy mother whose face was fading every day in her mind?

 

She was busy stewing her nervous pot when she was back in New York for the holidays and had been dragged to yet another Christmas benefit her family donated to. Ruby was standing in a far corner by the punch bowl when her grandmother appeared with her usual disapproving look and a stunning brunette by her side.

 

“Darling,” the grey-haired woman had said called out to her, gesturing to the other woman who reached out her hand to shake. “This is Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp. I’m sure you’ve heard of her, her company funded the new science wing at your school.”

 

Ruby resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but took the woman’s proffered hand and gave it a limp shake while her mother introduced her.

 

“And this is my granddaughter, Ruby Whitney. She’s a science prodigy.”

 

At that, the teen really did roll her eyes as she dropped the brunette’s hand.

 

“Arias, Grandmother. My last name is Arias, and I’m not a science prodigy. You’re thinking of your other granddaughter, Mindy Michelle Dogingham the Third.”

 

The old woman’s mouth dropped, aghast but the corner of the Luthor woman’s mouth quirked and her eyes flashed with amusement.

 

“Excuse my granddaughter, young people have such strange ideas about what qualifies as humour,” the old woman rushed to say, shooting daggers in Ruby’s direction.

 

The teen scowled and crossed her arms defiantly, but the young CEO stopped the older woman from saying anything.

 

“Why don’t you go and speak to the other donors, Mrs Whitney. I really don’t want to take up more of your time. I’d like to speak to Ruby, though. It would be interesting to hear her perspective of L-Corp’s investment at her school.”

 

Mrs Whitney rushed to agree, making the teen wonder how rich this Lena woman must be for the old bat to bend over backwards for her.

 

Once her grandmother walked away, practically radiating vibes telling Ruby not to blow it, the CEO turned back to face the teen and gave her a much more genuine grin.

 

“I didn’t want to say anything before, but have you ever noticed your grandmother has a really interesting perfume?” She asked.

 

Ruby snorted, her folded arms falling back to her side.

 

“Yeah. It’s the formaldehyde she douses herself in every night to preserve her face in a permeant scowl.”

 

Lena let out a sharp bell-like laugh at her words and Ruby found herself smiling despite herself.

 

“Smart and funny, Ms Arias. I’m delighted to have met you,” she said.

 

The teen was about to reply when the CEO’s phone began to ring and she mouthed an apology to Ruby before answering.

 

“Hello darling,” she said, her voice taking on a new softness. “How are you?”

 

The teen couldn’t help but smile at the obvious affection in the older woman’s voice.

 

“Well that’s good to hear,” she continued, before glancing at Ruby.

 

“I’m sorry darling, but I’ve got to go. I’m in the middle of a really important business discussion,” she said seriously, with a wink in the teen’s direction.

 

She smiled again at the voice on the other line.

 

“I’ll talk to you late if you’re still awake,” Lena whispered. “Night darling, I love you.”

 

She hung up the phone with a sigh and a wistful expression.

 

“Was that your husband?” Ruby asked, curious.

 

Lena shook her head with a smirk, returning the phone to her clutch.

 

“My wife, actually. She’s home right now in the middle of a big article. It’s the first time I’ve been away from home for more than a day since we got married, so it’s been a bit hard.”

 

Ruby blinked, trying to imagine it in her head and failing completely.

 

“Oh… well, that must be nice. Big company and a hot wife.”

 

Lena snorted in amusement.

 

“I’ll be sure to tell her you said that. It was a long road to get here for me… for us… but it was all worth it. We both had a bit of a tough time with it a few years ago, but we got through it.”

 

Ruby snorted.

 

“Together?” She asked with a smirk at the cliched words.

 

The CEO shook her head, her eyes growing distant.

 

“Not for all of it. We both had to learn to rely on ourselves as much as each other.”

 

The older woman’s voice was so wistful, that even Ruby couldn’t help but feel intrigued.

 

“What happened?” She asked.

 

Lena shrugged.

 

“I tried to kill myself.”

 

The teen paled in horror.

 

“Wait… what?”

 

The CEO smiled softly and indicated to the two long scars on her bare arms, that Ruby had completely failed to notice before.

 

“Oh, wow. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ She stuttered out, the other woman cut her off.

 

“No, it’s ok,” she said with a hand wave. “I wouldn’t wear dresses like this if I thought people weren’t going to notice them. It’s actually a great way to start a conversation and I like to tell my story.”

 

“Your story?”

 

Lena laughed to herself.

 

“Yeah. Want the synopsis?” She asked.

 

Ruby shrugged.

 

“Errr… sure?”

 

The CEO took a deep breath, before launching into the tale.

 

“So I was adopted by a rich family, and I mean loaded. I’m surprised that you haven’t heard all about me actually, but it’s pretty cool that the infamous reputation is going away. So I always had issues with my mother, but I adored my brother. I mean, he was my idol in everything. Except for one day, he began to turn into someone I didn’t really recognise anymore. We found out that he had schizophrenia, but by that time he was running the company and my mother didn’t think that he should get treatment. All that tough it out, mental health isn’t a real thing stuff. Turns out, that attitude doesn’t really help. He ended up killing himself and a lot of other people.”

 

Ruby’s mouth dropped, captivated and horrified.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

 

Lena smiled, clearly sad.

 

“Thank you, but I’ve come to peace with it. As much as I can, anyway. At the time though, it really threw me for a loop. I’d always had problems myself, but the way he died and suddenly having to take on the company aggravated it. I ended up losing everything I thought mattered to me and I became really depressed. And one day I just thought my life wasn’t worth much of anything anymore.”

 

A few seconds of silence passed, only filled by the murmuring of the party around them before the younger brunette prodded for more.

 

“What happened?”

 

Lena smiled once more.

 

“Well, my attempt failed. Someone found me in time and I ended up getting help.”

 

“You got a therapist?”

 

The CEO shook her head.

 

“Actually, I checked myself into a hospital. A psychiatric ward. That was where I met my wife.”

 

Ruby’s mind flashed with images of her mother and her mouth twisted.

 

“Wait… you met your wife in a nut house?” She asked, slightly repulsed.

 

The CEO gave her a hard look.

 

“Well that terminology might be a little off,” she drawled disapprovingly. "But yes. That was where I met Kara. Things after that just… got better. It wasn’t easy mind, still isn’t some days. We both had plenty of ups and downs, together and apart but we both ended up getting a life we only dreamed about.”

 

Ruby bit the inside of her cheek and resisted her urge to walk off.

 

“And your wife? What was she in there for?” She asked instead.

 

Lena smiled again at the mention of her wife.

 

“She has Bipolar and her own story. The people in there, the patients especially really helped us both. Meeting so many people and seeing past their diagnosis to who they were as people was incredible. People are so much more complex than you think.”

 

Ruby snorted, thinking of her grandmother and her stuffy, conservative ways.

 

“Not all people. Some people are just assholes.”

 

Lena let out another breathless and carefree laugh that made the younger brunette feel warm down to her toes.

 

“Well, you have a point there,” she finished, before nodding to the girl and making to walk off. “It was lovely meeting with you, Ruby.”

 

The teen suddenly felt sad.

 

“Wait!” She cried, stopping the woman’s steps. “Didn’t you want to talk about the science wing?”

 

The CEO looked at her searchingly for a few seconds, before her eyes cracked into another smile and she reached into her clutch.

 

“How about we exchange cell phone numbers?” She asked, handing her phone to Ruby. “Then we can talk whenever?”

 

The brunette stared at the outstretched phone in disbelief.

 

“You’re a CEO and you’re giving me your cell number?”

 

Lena shrugged.

 

“Why not? If being in the nuthouse did you call it? If it taught me anything, it was the ability to recognise a future friend when I saw them.”

 

Ruby reached for her phone.

 

The next few years had been interesting after that. Talking to Lena had eventually led to her being invited to National City to complete an internship at L-Corp in her last summer of high school. She stayed with Lena and Kara, the CEO’s wife who turned out to be completely awesome.

 

It had been a great summer, meeting and hanging out with all of the couple’s friends and family on the weekends but Ruby couldn’t shake the weird feeling that they were all looking at her a bit strange. Like she was a Faberge egg that needed protecting.

 

Everything had gone to shit. Her last day, the day she had also turned eighteen, Kara and Lena had sat her down and told her that the hospital they had both been patients at also housed her mother.

 

That’s where they had met her and that’s why they had become involved at all in her life.

 

Ruby had not responded well to that news. It felt like the woman she had been refusing phone calls from for the past two years had been pulling strings in her life without her knowledge. She felt violated somehow like her trust was betrayed. She had already decided she didn’t want anything to do with her mother and now the only people in her life who she felt a real unburdened connection with were actually working with her the whole time?

 

Lena and Kara had apologised for not saying anything before but explained that they hadn’t been legally allowed for numerous reasons. They had assured her that Sam hadn’t brainwashed them into believing anything and that they really only had Ruby’s best interests at heart. Lena hadn’t intended on liking the teen as much as she had and certainly never planned on making her an unofficial adoptive member of the family, but it was just how things turned out.

 

Ruby really hadn’t taken that well.

 

She ran out the door and wandered around the city the whole day, brooding and thinking while her mind was in a tumble until she made a choice.

 

For the first time in five years, Ruby saw her Mom.

 

Later that night, she returned back to Kara and Lena’s apartment and threw herself into their arms for a long and deep hug.

 

* * *

 

Ruby always was an early riser.

 

Everyone had been ecstatic when she got into Harvard University on a full academic scholarship for Pre Law. Even her grandmother had smiled and her prickly stepmother gave her a cold hug. Nobody had been happier than Lena and Kara though, which lit a glow of pride inside the young woman that she was convinced nothing would be able to extinguish.

 

Until everything had come tumbling down four weeks before she was due to graduate and her life completely imploded. With no desire to slink back to the east coast as the family disappointment, her grandmother buying her into another school and her judgemental gaze, Ruby called Lena.

 

The brunette didn’t ask questions, which the just twenty-one-year-old was eternally thankful for and instead just offered the brunette a room.

 

Ruby had always been an early riser, but waking up every morning to the sound of a baby screaming made her want to sink into her mattress and never leave.

 

“Can’t that kid ever shut up?” She whispered hoarsely to herself as the screams echoed up and down the hall, along with the clattering sounds of Lena and Kara bustling about and getting ready for the day.

 

Ruby was just about to cover her head with a pillow when her door burst open and a blurry toddler took a running leap to jump on top of her.

 

“Wake up, Ruby!” The grinning four-year-old shouted while bouncing on top of her. “Wake up!”

 

The young woman groaned, desperately trying to avoid the sticky fingers clawing at her sheets and gripped onto them with dear life.

 

“Shhh, Lori…. What did we talk about you waking me up in the morning?” She asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

 

The little girl let out an exaggerated groan and flopped across Ruby’s body, her full weight crushing the young woman’s ribs.

 

“Not to wake you,” the girl muttered out with enough angst to make the brunette smiled. “But the baby’s crying again and you’re the only decent conversation this god damn house.”

 

Ruby’s eyes peeled open at that and she sat upright in bed, Lori rolling onto her knees.

 

“Lori! Where did you learn to say that?” She demanded with the sternest expression she could muster.

 

The girl’s lip immediately began to wobble and Ruby cursed her ability to play the emotions of every adult she met.

 

“Auntie Alex said it to Auntie Maggie when they babysat last night,” she said wearily. “I didn’t know it was a bad word!”

 

Ruby winced at that, remembering suddenly that she was supposed to have been on kid detail lat night but had instead ended up dancing until three in the morning at one of the new nightclubs in National City.

 

“Shit, your parents are going to kill me,” she muttered, rubbing the sides of her aching head before her eyes snapped to the young girl with alarm. “Don’t repeat that!”

 

Lori grinned at her toothily and Ruby groaned internally, convinced that was going to bite her in the ass someday soon. The little girl jumped back off the bed and tugged at the young woman’s hand with all her might.

 

“Come on, Ruby! Mama’s making pancakes!”

 

The brunette couldn’t help but smile at the kid’s infectious enthusiasm for food, which she obviously inherited from Kara, and tumbled out of bed herself. She looked down, noticing with a flush that she still had her clothes on from last night and stunk of cigarette smoke.

 

“I’ll meet you there in five minutes, ok Lori?”

 

The toddler gave her a suspicious glare, that eerily echoed Lena, before sticking out her finger to shake.

 

“Pinky promise?”

 

Ruby smiled down at the kid fondly, before hooking their pinkies together tightly.

 

“Pinky promise.”

 

The girl scampered off at that, clearly, the allure of pancakes curbing her investigative tendencies leaving Ruby to quickly strip out of her clothes, scrub her face with a wet wipe and exit the room in her unused pyjamas.

 

She entered the kitchen and took in the usual sight of chaos. Lena was rushing about the room, half dressed while she tried to feed the baby who had, finally, stopped crying. Lori was drawing with her crayons on what looked suspiciously like Kara’s latest draft for her new novel, while the blonde herself stood half asleep over the stovetop flipping pancakes onto plates.

 

The young brunette didn’t even have time to say good morning when the gummy baby was shoved into her arms by Lena.

 

“Here,” the frazzled CEO said with a single piece of toast in one hand. “You can watch him for five minutes while I get ready, right? Seeing as you didn’t last night,” she finished with a disappointed glint in her eye.

 

Ruby felt an instant swell of shame and nodded silently in response, cradling the baby in her arms while Lena took off down the hall and into the bathroom.

 

The young woman looked down at the gurgling baby in her arms and couldn’t help but respond to his gummy smile with one of her own, despite her annoyance at him waking her up.

 

“Hello, Lenny,” she asked the infant with a coo. “How are we doing today? Excersing those lungs again I see.”

 

Kara let out a grunt at her words, making Ruby’s smile widen at the blonde’s predictable morning irritability. The brunette sat down at the table next Lori, noting with relief that the girl was crayoning one of her mother’s scrapped drafts. The blonde woman placed a plate in front of her daughter, ruffling her hair, and another in front of Ruby before sitting down at her own place and started to eat.

 

“Yes. Apparently, he was unsettled the whole time for Alex and Maggie last night too,” the blonde said with exhaustion etched into her face, making Ruby wince again with guilt.

 

Lori let out another of her dramatic sighs.

 

“He was a nightmare,” she groaned, making Ruby and Kara exchanged amused glances.

 

The brunette began to struggle to eat her food one-handed while cradling the baby with her other when Kara let out a satisfied groan. Having devoured her mountain of pancakes, she let her cutlery fall and turned to look at Ruby with a much more alert expression.

 

“You were out and awake pretty late yourself last night,” she commented.

 

The brunette stared down at her plate, her appetite vanishing as she prodded her pancakes.

 

“Yeah… I’m sorry about last night. I forgot that you guys asked me to sit for your date night.”

 

Kara didn’t let out a disappointed sigh, but her silence spoke volumes. It was only once she leaned over to take Lenny in her arms that she finally spoke in a gentle voice.

 

“You know you’re not obligated to babysit for us if you don’t want to Rubes. But when you say you will, then don’t… It stresses us out.”

 

Ruby cut up her pancakes and shovelled them into her mouth in lieu of responding.

 

“And it’s not because we had to call Maggie and Alex, even though she made me tell you she expects an apology. We worry all end up worrying about you,” she said softly.

 

The younger woman looked up at the blonde who was staring at her gently and the brunette gave her a strained smile.

 

“I’m sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have done that… But I’m fine. Really.”

 

Kara didn’t look convinced.

 

“I just wished you tell us, tell someone, about what happened at college, Rubes. We’re all here for you-“

 

The younger woman cut her off.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Kara. Ever,” she said with a forceful bite.

 

The blonde’s eyes flickered to her young daughter and Ruby felt a pang of guilt as Lori looked between the both of them with a slightly scared expression.

 

“If you’re going to be staying with us Rubes, you should know that Lena and I have a rule that we never shout in front of the kids. Ever.”

 

The blonde said it in as calm a tone as ever, though the undercurrent of warning was clear to the brunette ears.

 

Ruby flushed, before nodding and turned to face Lori who was still looking at her with wide eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, kid. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just didn’t sleep that well last night.”

 

The little girl frowned with concern and she placed a syrup covered hand on Ruby’s arm gently.

 

“Did you have a nightmare?” She squeaked out.

 

Lori gave the girl a half smile.

 

“Something like that… Hey, how about I make it up to you today? We can go watch that new Disney movie… Finding Nemo five or something?”

 

Lori squealed in delight, but it was cut off by the sound of Lena’s voice who had finally returned from the bathroom.

 

Fixing her earring, she leant down and gave her wife a kiss on the forehead.

 

“God, when will Ellen DeGeneres stop milking that film series? Makes the remakes of Shrek look like high brow cinema.”

 

“I thought we agreed never to speak about that atrocity in this household, babe,” Kara responded with a shudder. “Besides, Ellen is like the poster girl of lesbians.”

 

Lena hummed, walking to the counter and flicking through the mail.

 

“Apart from me of course, darling,” she responded.

 

Her blonde wife rolled her eyes, handed Lenny back to Ruby and stood to her feet. She walked over to Lena, wrapping her arms around her waist and kissed the back of the CEO’s neck, making Ruby laugh at the cheesy smile that grew on the older brunette’s face.

 

“Yes, babe. Apart from you,” Kara said with a teasing lilt, slipping away so she could pick up the used plates to wash.

 

“What’s a lesbian?” Lori suddenly asked, making Ruby almost choke on the sip of OJ she had taken.

 

Kara and Lena seemed completely unphased, however, merely continuing their respective tasks without a missed beat.

 

“That’s what Mommy is, sweetie,” the blonde replied simply while stacking the plates. “It means she likes to kiss and cuddle girls, not boys.”

 

Lori frowned at the explanation.

 

“But Mommy kisses and cuddles Lenny and Uncle Clark all the time!”

 

Lena dropped the mail and smiled at her daughter.

 

“They’re family, sweetie. But I don’t kiss anyone else on the lips or give them extra special cuddles except for Mommy.”

 

The little girl frowned down at the table once more as she digested the information, Ruby’s ears turning red at the thoughts they had sprung up.

 

“Is Mama as a lesbian?” The little girl asked.

 

A sly smirk grew of Lena’s lips and she gave Kara a side-eye look.

 

“No, darling. Your mother is a Tri Bi.”

 

The blonde’s face turned red and she whipped around to give her wife an incredulous look.

 

“What’s a Tri Bi?”

 

The CEO’s smirk widened.

 

“It means she’s Bisexual. Bipolar and a Bicycle.”

 

Kara’s face grew a deeper red as Lena bit her lip to stop from laughing.

 

“Why is she a bicyc-“

 

“Ok, sweetie,” the blonde woman suddenly interrupted, jabbing Lena in the ribs with her finger before walking around to the dining table. “That’s enough questions this morning. Why don’t you go and pick yourself out something to wear today.”

 

Lori instantly forgot her questions as she bounced excitedly in her seat.

 

“Anything I want?” She squealed.

 

Kara gave her a sweet smile and nodded, watching with a laugh as her daughter jumped off her seat and sprinted towards her room.

 

“You realise now she’s either going to were her princess costume all day or her Spider-Man one?” Lena asked with amusement.

 

The blonde let out an exasperated sigh.

 

“Maybe she’ll mix and match? Besides,” she continued, levelling the CEO with a glare. “It’s better than having to explain to a sex joke to our four year old!”

 

Lena positively cackled with glee.

 

“You mean the joke that you introduced yourself with? Oh, God, it might have been worth it. I’ve been waiting for years to get you back for that.”

 

The blonde grumbled to herself and returned to her dishes.

 

Ruby watched the whole exchange with a small smile of her own, revelling in the domesticity of it all and the easy love both women shared with each other. It was only once Lena turned to look at the younger brunette, taking a long sip of the coffee her wife had placed in front of her and staring at her with hard eyes.

 

“And where pray tell, were you last night until all hours?” She asked with an arched eyebrow.

 

Kara frowned at her wife and opened her mouth to speak, only to be stopped by the CEO’s single finger halting her.

 

The blonde rolled her eyes and huffed.

 

“Fine. I’ll go check on Lori before she decides to wear her curtains.”

 

Ruby watched Kara’s retreating back and a hint of panic grew in her chest at being left alone with an obviously irate Lena.

 

The older brunette didn’t speak for a fore seconds, before letting out a sigh and reaching for her son. It was only once he was nestled in her arms that a small smile grew on her face.

 

“I figured I’m less likely to yell if I’m holding him,” she said quietly to Ruby, before turning to look at her with disappointment.

 

It instantly made the younger woman bristle defensively.

 

“The solution would just be not to yell,” she snarked.

 

Lena let out a sigh and sat down across from her.

 

“Look, Rubes… I know I’m not your mother-“

 

The younger woman’s eyes snapped to the CEO’s and Lena corrected herself.

 

“I know I’m not technically family. But I’m becoming seriously worried about you. You turn up here, telling us that you were expelled and then you proceeded to spend the next three months partying through the night with God knows who. I don’t want to put pressure on you, but my God Ruby you can’t deny me the right to be concerned. Something serious is going on with you and I really think you need to speak to someone before you dig yourself into a hole that’ll be very hard to return from.”

 

The words should’ve been comforting, and Ruby knew they were spoken with love, but she just couldn’t find it in her to note it. Instead, the cap blew off the suppressed rage she had been harbouring.

 

“Or what?” She demanded lowly, still mindful not to shout. “I’m going to turn into my mother?”

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“Rubes, that’s not what I meant and you know it.”

 

The girl shrugged.

 

“No, I don’t know it. What, you’re afraid I’m going to turn into some sob story? The mighty do fall and end up with depression or anxiety or some mood disorder that needs four syllables to announce? What is with you ‘recovered’ people lecturing everyone else about how they should handle stuff in their own lives? Why do you feel a need to stick your nose everywhere it doesn’t belong?”

 

Lena’s face had grown hard during Ruby’s low ranting, but she didn’t respond until she had finished and then only in a calm voice.

 

“Ruby, I’m not going to lecture you about what you should do with your life. It’s not my job or my place. And I certainly don’t profess to represent recovery as a whole.”

 

The younger woman snorted, which Lena ignored.

 

“In fact, I’ve never said that I am ‘recovered’. I’m recovering, and I will be the rest of my life. Just like Kara, our mental health problems don’t just disappear. We have to manage them every day in our own way. Do I think therapy and talking about our problems helps? Yes, of course, I do. I’m not saying it’s right for you, but it’s somewhere to start if you’re having problems.”

 

Lena shifted Lenny in her arms and Ruby’s eyes were drawn to the long scar running down her inner forearm.

 

“Take it from someone who went all the way to the edge. You don’t want to get to that place if you can avoid it.”

 

Ruby frowned but didn’t offer a response.

 

The CEO stared at her for another beat, before her mouth twisted.

 

“And another thing, as long as you’re living here you’re going to do something. If you can go out and party every night with randoms, you can do something else. I don’t care if it’s painting, knitting or a job. You will do something that is productive in some way. Big or small.”

 

Ruby made to protest, but Lena held up her hand to stop her.

 

“I’ve made up my mind.”

 

The younger brunette scowled but conceded with a nod. Lena stood, satisfied, and handed the baby back to the stiff woman.

 

“I’m going to say goodbye to the girls, then I’m going work,” she said, before patting Ruby on the shoulder. “You look like you need a few more hours sleep.”

 

The younger girl sniffed but didn’t reply.

 

There was a bit more bustle in the house as Lena said her goodbyes then exited through the door. Lori returned from her room with Kara in tow, today settling on her Spider-Man costume and a tutu. The blonde collected the baby from Ruby, informing her that the three of them were headed to the park, asking if she wanted to join. The younger brunette shook her head, saying she was heading back to bed.

 

The blonde gave her a tight hug which Ruby returned, suddenly feeling completely drained before she too headed out the door after wrestling with the stroller.

 

Suddenly the bustling home felt extremely empty, the silence echoing around the rooms were laughter and voices should be. Ruby felt deeply melancholic as she made her way back to what was now her room, kicking the door shut and collapsing on the bed.

 

Her mind drifted off, Lena’s words reverberating in her head.

 

The last image that crossed it before she finally fell asleep was the face of her mother when she was when she was twelve years old. Her mother handcuffed and being led to the back of a police car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I’m officially ridiculous for deciding now is the best time for me to be starting this sequel. But nobody has ever described me as normal before! I’ve got four other fics on the go all of which I love ridiculously, but when I get an idea in my head….
> 
> This past year has been nuts for me. I finished my degree in Animal Science and then quit my job running a kitchen. Pretty sure the only way I was able to do both at the same time was because of my undiagnosed bipolar 2, until September last year. After I finished my degree I had a tonne of spare time on my hands and decided to start writing again, something I hadn’t done since high school. 
> 
> Obviously FWM was huge to me in many ways, along with all my fics. Getting creative again has inspired me to go back to uni and get my Bachelor of Arts with a writing major. I sent in my applications last week!
> 
> Heaps of that is down to you guys :D
> 
> This one’s for all of you!


	2. Apathy Is A Sort Of Living Oblivion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I have had an epiphany this week and have decided to get my butt in gear. Still in the process of figuring it out, but I do have a Tumblr. I am going to be engaging in said Tumblr to try and do this FanFic stuff properly.
> 
> I have a super duper professional(ish) profile pic now!
> 
> So enjoy Chapter Two, and if you would like to follow me on Tumblr, the link is in my bio.
> 
> P.S Btw, the first person will be follower number 7!!!! Your name shall be immortalised in my mind :D

“How are you today, Sam?”

 

The brunette imagined that sentence written on her skin in the tiniest of print. Every time she was asked it, it was scrawled once more onto her body, sometimes written in soft handwriting, most of the time written as a bored platitude. Someone forced to deal with the job of dealing with the sociopath that was her. 

 

“Why do you ask that every day as if the answer is going to change?” She bit out, devoid of caring. "I’m tired, I’m frustrated. I’m sick of being here.”

 

J’onn's face didn’t move, but Sam had spent ten years observing the man and was able to read his eyes. The tiny flicker to the spot on his desk where there should be a photo frame. One that sat there usually, removed for his sessions.

 

He either took away for _all_ his sessions because it was a distraction... or just for her.

 

In case she _really_ went crazy and tried to kill the person in it.

 

That wasn’t Sam’s thing, though. She never understood murder. Far better to let people rot in their own misery than dirty her hands.

 

The only time she fought back was when she was protecting what was _hers._

 

No one would ever describe Sam as easygoing. The words used to label her were antagonistic, addictive, manipulative, lack of remorse…. At least that’s what she read when she broke into Jonn’s office to read his notes. But if over a decade spent locked behind the walls had taught her anything, it was that if she was ever going to get what she wanted, she needed to play by some of the rules. 

 

Or, at least pretend to.

 

The problem was after spending ten years getting ‘treated’ Sam was convinced the only way she was going to leave this place was through the morgue. 

 

The passage of time had made Sam more isolated, though she gave the pretence of interaction for her psychiatrist's sake. Truthfully, at this point, she’d much rather be left alone than pretend that she actually cared about anyone else in here.

 

A decade was a long time to sit still. After a while, every patient that rotated through the ward’s doors began to look the same. There were the depressives, the suicidal, the mood swings and ones with severe PTSD. They had been fun to mess with... briefly… but Sam had long since lost her thrill with mind games when it became clear that the majority of people in here were too fucked up to appreciate them. 

 

So she had become quieter and quieter, ill content and restless, but quiet.

 

The latest crowd in the ward were slightly more interesting than usual. There were a few long termers now. Grace Parker and Julia Freeman, here for three and five years respectively.

 

Sam liked Julia, as much as Sam liked anyone. She was probably the least irritating person the brunette had ever met, more content to spend time in her room listening to soft music than other people. And she was just interesting enough to note the older woman’s interest.

 

Julia was self-committed, which usually earned the brunette’s disdain. But in this case, earned the younger woman a certain level of respect.

 

The woman had Dissociative Identity Disorder, something which Sam knew absolutely nothing about. If she hadn’t been barred from reading medical textbooks, she would have devoured any research she could find. 

 

Once Sam was committed to understanding the ins and outs of someone, she was _committed._

 

The other woman was pleasant enough, bar the bouts of amnesia she appeared to suffer or when she seemed to be in a particularly bad mood _or_ would do strange things like insisting she eats her meals with a spoon. 

 

That could go on anything from an hour, to days. But once the periods ended she would always spend at least a day by herself in her room, only being visited by Jonn or the other staff.

 

It gave Sam something to think about in her daydreams, imagining a scenario where one of Julia’s personalities was an expert in breaking out of hospitals. Mentioning this in the passing to Jonn had only initiated laughter, reassuring Sam that DID didn’t exactly work like that.

 

She told him she would have known that if they increased the quality of books in the library... and gave her permission to read them.

 

The doctor just shook his head.

 

Grace Parker, however, she detested with every fibre of her being. 

 

On a scale of people Sam loathed most in her life, Grace was an easy first with Kara Danvers trailing at a distant second.

 

Grace, in complete contrast to her name, was about as horrid as they came. She also had Anti-Social Personality Disorder, the first patient Sam had met with the same condition as herself.

 

Samantha was convinced that she had never been as annoying.

 

The woman used to be a doctor, or so she said and took great pleasure in malicious cruelty. Not that Sam really had a leg to stand on in that department, but when _she_ did things for a reaction there was always a point. A goal to achieve from A to B.

 

Grace just seemed to get off on wanton chaos and pain.

 

She took particular pleasure on playing mind games with one woman, who had only been admitted recently with a severe case of Post-Partum Depression. She cried a lot and spent a lot of time in her room… a nervous thing all around. 

 

But Sam knew full well what it was like to have a child and be unable to be near them, for their own sake…. at least that’s what the Doc told her. So she really didn’t appreciate it when the sadistic fuck tried to mess around with the poor woman’s head. What was she hoping for? The girl to kill herself and leave a completely innocent kid without a mother?

 

What a cow.

 

She also liked to play games with Julia, though the other woman managed to ignore her pretty well. That alone increased Sam’s respect for the music lover two-fold. Anyone strong enough to brush off mind games (that weren’t the brunette’s own)  _and_ piss off Grace certainly deserved the olive-skinned woman's respect.

 

For what it was worth, the black haired woman stayed out of her way and backed off whenever Sam would step in on her illogical manipulations. But the brunette could feel the loathing rolling off her as the other woman eyed her darkly from corners. 

 

Fucking amateur. 

 

“I hate being stuck in one place like this,” Sam finally responded, humouring the man even though he knew her game by now. “It’s…. I get itchy feet.”

 

Jonn tilted his head.

 

“You want to escape responsibility,” he replied.

 

That annoyed her, eyes snapping to his while tightening.

 

“The only responsibility I have,” she half-hissed out. “Is to my daughter. I can’t exactly _escape_ _her_ when I’m not allowed near _her_ stuck behind _these_ walls.”

 

The doctor nodded in recognition of her words.

 

“She hasn’t visited?”

 

The asshole was digging for a reaction now, he knew full well that she hadn’t.

 

Sam bit her cheek, before answering anyway.

 

“Not for a long time.”

 

The words, said allowed, stirred something in her chest. 

 

Nothing in her life felt as powerful as the bond she felt with her daughter. Sam clung to it and hated it at the same time. The brunette knew that Ruby would always be her weakness, she had accepted that fact long ago. It was probably the only normal thing about her.

 

_ The love a parent has for her child... _

 

That was the one time when she _really_  and _violently_ saw red. When Tristan and his bitch of a mother had tried to take that away from. Ruby was _hers_ , not _theirs_.

 

Time hadn’t dulled the injustice of it at all and the longer she spent away from her, the more Ruby had forgotten. One time, five years ago on her doctor’s advice of all things, Sam had _tried_ to analyse the situation from her daughter's perspective.

 

She knew that _technically_ , Calvin could give her daughter a life filled with luxury that Sam would never be able to do. But he would also fill her with things that stole the memories her daughter had made with _her_.

 

And they _had_ been good memories. 

 

The way that Ruby would light up when they had money for ice cream. When there was a snow day and Sam would suffer through her daughter burying her head to toe because it made her laugh.

 

Nothing on earth made Sam feel good, even slightly human, except for her daughter. The way she viewed the world was so fake but sweet. It wasn’t that Sam couldn’t do it, wasn’t good at it. Say the right things to the right person with the right smile and you could get whatever you wanted. Everyone in the world played pretend, they just didn’t realise they were doing it like Sam did.

 

Her world had all been black and white until her daughter came along. That’s when she learned to care at least for one small thing that needed her in a way that was real. 

 

But now, even now she was an adult, Ruby kept her at a distance.

 

“How're things with Grace?” The doctor asked, drawing Sam away from her thoughts.

 

Her lip curled in disgust at the other woman’s name.

 

“There shouldn’t be too many of us in here, Jonn,” she said dryly. “We’ll start fires.”

 

The tall man smiled at that.

 

“I think I can handle it, Ms Arias.”

 

She cocked an eyebrow.

 

“Like you handle me?”

 

The man watched her carefully for a beat, his eyes flickering with… something. Then, he let out a heavy sigh and leaned forward against his desk. 

 

“If you were to get out of here, Sam,” he asked, eyes locking on her’s. “What would you do?”

 

She frowned at his words.

 

“Like that would ever be an option…” she tested coyly.

 

The man grew uncomfortable.

 

“The family that was paying for you care-“

 

The brunette cut him off with a growl.

 

“My incarceration you mean,” Sam said, leaning back in her chair and gestured around. “This is just a private prison, with better furniture. And you, dear doctor, are my warden….”

 

Her brain clicked and she leaned forward.

 

”Hang on, did you say was?”

 

His mouth tightened.

 

“They’ve ceased funding.”

 

That raised her eyebrows. She would have thought Lady McStuffins would never let her see the light of day after what she did to her precious boy.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

The words raced through her brain like a lightning bolt, Lingering on her only exposed piece of wiring and setting it alight.

 

“Something must have happened to Ruby…” She muttered, neurons firing. “Is she safe? Is she alright?”

 

He sighed.

 

“I don’t know Samantha,” Jonn said softly.

 

She gritted her teeth.

 

“…what will happen to me?”

 

Jonn cleared his throat, but he looked troubled.

 

“That’s for the courts to decide.”

 

She laughed at that.

 

“What is there to decide? Tristan is dead. The only reason they paid for this shit, to begin with, was because he insisted. His crone of a mother would have gladly sent me off to the dankest hellhole on earth. I suppose that’s why she’s cut the funding, but she’d only do it now because something happened with Ruby. My daughter told me after Tristan died the old bat was ready to do it, but she convinced her not to.” 

 

Sam snorted.

 

“Load of bullshit, of course.”

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

She shook her head at the memory.

 

“I know when Ruby is lying to me. I’d put my hand in a fire the kid was paying it out of her own trust fund, which means… that she’s been cut off." 

 

Sam thought of Tristan's sour old mother.

 

"I never liked that cunt.”

 

Jonn frowned at the word, but Sam couldn’t muster the interest to apologise. Her ex's mother was one of the vilest and fakest people on the planet.

 

“You’re not concerned for yourself?” He questioned instead.

 

Sam shrugged.

 

“Why? Whatever happens, happens. It’s not like I’m getting out of here…. I guess I’ll miss it, a little.” 

 

The brunette scowled.

 

“Not Grace though… Maybe I’ll like the public sector better…. Must be better food than the crap Winn serves.”

 

The older man turned his chair, looking off into the distance, his mind clearing weighing something up. 

 

“I really don’t feel like the public system would benefit you, Sam,” he said slowly. “You’re more likely to deteriorate than thrive.”

 

The woman thought of the last ten boring, trivial years of her life.

 

“Is that what I’ve been doing here?” She asked sarcastically. “Thriving?”

 

“You’ve made progress here, Sam,” he answered. "A decade's worth.”

 

The most interesting thing that had happened in her time here had been mindlessly plotting revenge on annoying patients. 

 

That had long lost it’s appeal.

 

“Sure. Lots and lots of progress…. I even got the occasional gold star on my finger fucking paintings.”

 

“Sam,” he said warningly.

 

She didn’t care.

 

“So what’s the plan, hmm?” Sam crooned. “Scholarship fund to keep me here? All the nurses that hate me going to chip in a bit? What a bright idea.”

 

J’onn frowned thoughtfully, before opening his mouth to answer.

 

* * *

 

The doctor's proposal had left her thoughtful and drifting.

 

She made her way back to her room almost robotically, reaching for her phone and pressing the only numbers she had ever used.

 

It rang for a full minute, then went to voicemail just like it always did. 

 

A part of her noted, once again, that even if Ruby didn’t pick up she still hadn’t blocked her number.

 

_“Hi, you’ve reached Ruby Arias’ phone. If I haven’t answered the phone it’s probably because I’m avoiding someone. Please leave your name and number after the beep. If I don’t call you back, it’s you I’m avoiding.”_

 

How appropriate, Sam though still smiling that her daughter had kept her last name the same. Hearing that alone, made these phone calls worth it.

 

“Hey, Ruby… I don’t…” 

 

Sam sighed and clutched the headset closer to her head. It was a leftover habit from the time before Ruby turned eighteen, and all her phone calls had been supervised by Jonn sitting at his desk, pretending to do paperwork.

 

She wanted to demand what was going on. Why her hospital care wasn’t being paid for. What the hell was going on... but Ruby hadn’t visited her in over a year. 

 

And the last conversation had been strained and short, barely a few minutes.

 

“I don’t mean to keep calling. I just wanted to… check up on you.”

 

The brunette had more to say, but one of the many lists Jonn had hammered into her head popped up.

 

_Don’t make it about you. Your agenda isn’t always the right way. Think about what they want too._

 

“Hope you’re doing well,” she said instead, the faux brightness feeling fake in her mouth.

 

Sam hung up quickly and with a sudden urge to ruin someone’s day.

 

“That’s sweet, calling your daughter like you actually care.”

 

The brunette gritted her teeth and she turned on her bed to see Grace leaning against her doorframe with a smirk and flashing eyes. 

 

“You must miss her _so_ much,” the woman said, disbelief colouring her voice.

 

“A foreign concept to you, I’m sure,” Sam answered back cooly. “You’ve probably never cared about anyone in your life.”

 

The woman snorted, taking a step into Sam’s room, the action making the brunette’s eyes burn with rage. The black-haired woman looked around the bedroom, taking in the undecorated walls and bare bedside table.

 

“Living here for ten years and you still don’t have a single thing to call your own.”

 

Sam traced the white sheets on her bed without expression.

 

“A gilded cage is still a cage.”

 

Grace snorted.

 

“So poetic… I didn’t know you waxed lyrical.”

 

The brunette eyes almost rolled back in her head to restrain herself from killing the other woman.

 

“What do you want, Parker? Or did you just come to learn how to interact with another human being.”

 

The woman laughed, cold and cruel.

 

“You’re no more human than me, Arias. But you’ve been here so long you’ve lost your mean streak. They’ve actually done it, lobotomised your free will.”

 

_A knife. If Sam just got her hands on a knife…_

 

“Shut up,” she said instead. “For the rest of my sanity, shut up.”

 

The woman ran her nails with a screech across the small plastic table in Sam’s room.

 

“Let’s face it, I’m the only friend you’ve got in here.”

 

The brunette breathed heavily through her nose.

 

“People like us don’t have friends.”

 

“So you admit we are alike?”

 

_Maybe a spoon… she could gauge out her eyes._

 

“Jesus Christ,” she hissed. “Nitpick all you want, but do it somewhere else.”

 

Grace shrugged, taking a few more steps forward reminding Sam of a documentary she once watched on how sharks feed.

 

“I’m just saying,” the woman crowed. “This whole incarceration thing would go a hell of a lot better if we worked together.”

 

_Until you could stab me in the back with a broken chair leg. How desperate do you think I am?_

 

“Work together?” Sam said with a derisive laugh.” This isn’t a sorority/prison break mashup. Just go ooze somewhere else. Don’t you have children you want to curse?”

 

The woman’s eyes narrowed, but her mouth turned cruelly.

 

“Just yours.”

 

Sam flew to her feet, pushing back the shorter woman until she cornered her against the wall. Breathing an inch from her face, the brunette could practically hear the blood rushing through the other woman’s veins.

 

“Listen to me, you insufferable bitch,” she said, voice full of poison, with unblinking eyes. “If you so much as mention my daughter again, I swear by all that I am that I will do everything in my power to make your life here _miserable_.” 

 

Sam took a step back, cocking her head at the other woman whose only reaction had been the shortness of her breath.

 

“You’re right,” she continued. “I have been far too kind to you. You’ve forgotten who's in charge. Do you want my mentor advice? Stay the fuck out of my way.”

 

Sam walked back to her bed, anger spent, sat down and picked up the only book she had been delegated. A dog-eared copy of Harry Potter that had made her feel solidarity with Voldemort.

 

“You touch me and you’ll be sent to the real crazy house.”

 

The brunette didn’t even bother to look up from her book.

 

“Oh, Grace… I don’t have to touch you to destroy you,” she said neutrally. “Now, get out of my room.”

 

The woman turned without a word and exited. Sam waited a full minute, her eyes burning at one spot on the page before she put the book down and stood quietly to close her door. After another beat, she made her way over to her dresser, running her fingers over the wood to find the single split. She pulled out the creased photo she had stashed there, hidden away in case another crazy in here every went snooping the way she used to.

 

She unfolded it carefully, not wanting to rip it, and stared down at it with a blank expression.

 

A single smiling photo of her daughter at age three, throwing food to the ducks that had lived near their apartment back then. Sam had never liked animals, but they had always made Ruby happy so she had consented to the daily walk and feed.

 

It made her daughter happy.

 

* * *

 

_The greying foster worker looked over at the brunette with a concerned expression and Sam willed with all her strength that she would stay silent._

 

_“Samantha, this is the third home you’ve been sent back from.”_

 

_No such luck, she thought._

 

_“I didn’t like the brother,” she answered vaguely. “He was a creep.”_

 

_The woman sighed, exhaustion clear._

 

_“And that meant you had to steal your foster mother’s jewellery?”_

 

_The teenager shrugged._

 

_“I needed the money.”_

 

_“Why?”_

 

_At that, Sam rolled her eyes. What did it matter why she needed the money? It could be for a trip to the moon and it wouldn’t change the fact that she had stolen it._

 

_“So I could get a bus ticket far away from here.”_

 

_The woman, Judy something… Sam couldn’t remember, kept talking in a cloyingly sweet way that the caseworkers always did._

 

_It was so fake. Sam hated fake._

 

_“Sam… I know you’ve had a tough time of it these past few years. But you can’t keep running away from your problems, that’s not how they’ll get solved. Turn your wounds into wisdom.”_

 

_The brunette bristled at the pathetic platitude that had been spouted at her. Ever since she was little and had first been dumped in the foster system. Nothing but bullshit and lies._

 

_“For fuck's sake… I can’t believe the state pays you to spout Oprah Winfrey quotes at me,” she growled out. “Where did you learn that, fucking Cosmo?”_

 

_Judy… Julia sighed again._

 

_“Don’t swear, Sam.”_

 

_The brunette didn’t want to stop though, she wanted her words to hurt like a thousand burning lashes on unmarked skin._

 

_“They set the bar low when they accepted you, huh?” She spat out with a smirk. “Why are you doing this job anyway? You’re underpaid, overworked and have to deal with little shits that got dropped on their heads every day. What is it? Did you get a saviour complex? Think you’re the next messiah?”_

 

_Julianna shifted uncomfortably in her seat, making a turn onto a new street._

 

_“I took this job because I like to help people,” she said in a small voice._

 

_Gotcha, Sam thought._

 

_“Please,” she continued. “The only person you’re helping is yourself. You get off on it, all the patting yourself on the back and the long days. It’s all, ‘look at me world, I am **such** a good person. Please give **me** the validation I obviously lacked as a child’. You don’t even realise how pathetic you are.”_

 

_The brunette let the vicious words sit in the air as she turned to look back out at the grey city that was Gotham._

 

_“I’m not giving up on you, Sam,” the other woman said firmly.”No matter how hard you make it.”_

 

_If the car didn’t have child locks installed, the teenager would have hurled herself out of it._

 

_“Lady, do whatever the fuck you want…” She muttered. “Just leave me out of your list of rescue dogs, alright? I haven’t got time to make you feel better about yourself.”_

 

_The woman pushed again._

 

_“Sam-“_

 

_The brunette turned sharply and with a snarl, screaming in the other woman’s face._

 

_“The hint was to SHUT UP!”_

 

* * *

 

For the second time that day, she was back in Jonn’s office.

 

“What happened with Grace?”

 

Sam wondered if it was actually possible for her face to melt from boredom. 

 

“Did she seriously dob me in?” She asked flatly. “Christ, that woman has no fucking spine.”

 

The man looked ready to pop a vein in frustration, a reaction Sam was immensely satisfied for achieving.

 

“If you get violent,” he chastised. “I’ll have no choice but to allow your transfer to state care.”

 

Sam snorted, briefly recalling the short period of time she was free from the system.

 

“Wouldn’t be the first time I was a prisoner of the state.”

 

The doctor let out a heavy breath.

 

“Sam, this doesn’t have to be your life. I don’t want that for you. You need much more intense guidance and care than the average underfunded doctors can give you.”

 

Sam rolled her eyes.

 

“Don’t start with that _parole_ thing again.”

 

He shook his head at her chosen term.

 

“Don’t you want to get out of here, Sam?”

 

The woman gave him an incredulous look.

 

“What you’re suggesting is worse being in here!” She cried out. “Staying in a _half-way_ house with a whole _new_ bunch of fucked up people, so I can _reintegrate_ into society. What a load of crap.”

 

The man pressed his palm against the desk.

 

“This is an opportunity for you, Sam,” he said seriously, holding her eye. “One I didn’t think would ever be possible for you when you first arrived here. This could really help you. But I can’t recommend it to the court if you blow all your work and get violent now. You’ve never laid a finger on anyone in here before-“

 

“Not physically,” she muttered.

 

“-why you would do it now when you are so close to-“

 

She cut him off again, frustration boiling over.

 

“I am not disabled! I don’t need to relearn how to become dependent! I’ve been looking after myself since I was six years old and was first dumped in the foster system by my bitch of a mother. I don’t want to ‘get along’ with other people and 'enter the community’. I’ve never been part of a community in my life.”

 

“You can’t wander through life as a hermit, Sam,” he replied dryly. “When you first came here, you were so full of anger and bitterness-“

 

“And now I’m filled with love and puppies?” 

 

He shook his head.

 

“Now you have the skills to do it right.”

 

At her disbelieving face, his eyes softened.

 

“Look,” he said flatly. “I’m not saying you’re going to magically become a good person. You and I both know you struggle with empathy. It’s the hallmark of your disease. But I also know you’ve learned about healthy conflict resolution, anger management skills and emotional literacy. You know how to express your feelings correctly now, you may not like it, but you know how to do it.”

 

Sam crossed her arms and scowled.

 

“So what? Fake it till you make it? Like I’m fucking Dexter or something? Yeah, I’ve learned a lot of shit in here. Like the fact that there is no cure for what I’ve got. There isn’t a magic pill I can take to fix me from being a psychopath.”

 

The man gave her a disappointed look.

 

“This is it, Sam. This is your shot. If you want out of here, this is the way you have to do it. I know the thing you resentment most about you being here is the loss of your daughter. People with your disorder are often stereotyped as being unable to love, but that isn’t always the case. You are not a sociopath and you aren’t a psychopath. You have a recognised mental health condition, that is arguably the most stigmatised and is incredibly under-researched. You feel emotions, Sam. You just struggle with empathetic emotions. But you feel an emotional bond and love for your daughter, you just don’t for other people. I know you know this, Sam. We’ve discussed it at length. So tell me honestly, what’s the real reason you want to get out of here.”

 

She thought about his words, letting them mull over in her brain.

 

“I want to be with my daughter,” she said honestly. “I want _my_ daughter back.”

 

The doctor nodded.

 

“You don’t own her, Sam.”

 

She looked down at her nails.

 

“I know that…. now. I don’t like it, but I understand. I don’t want to cause her… pain, I guess.”

 

The tall man leaned backwards.

 

“Well, from where I’m sitting, re-entering society and practising healthy interactions with others would help show that you’re trying to be better.”

 

That was the truth, even Sam knew that. The man was right for once, this was the only way she would ever get a chance to be free and actually have a shot with Ruby again.

 

Whatever the hell that meant.

 

“Fine,” she muttered out tightly. “I’ll keep my head down in here. But I swear to Christ, that bitch better not attack _me._ I can’t believe that woman was a doctor, she must have killed fucking everyone and buried the bodies out the back.”

 

The man laughed and Sam blinked at the completely unfamiliar reaction from the doctor.

 

“You know,” he mused. “I think I’m going to miss you, Sam. You’ve always added.... colour to this place.”

 

The woman sniffed.

 

“That colour being black.... like my soul.”

 

He grinned at that.

 

“Self-deprecation is only funny if it _isn’t_ true.”

 

She slow clapped the clearly proud man, for his _clearly_ pathetic insult.

 

“You know, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever said something even remotely mean to me,” she responded with fake hurt lining her voice.

 

The man smiled again.

 

“I said it with love.” 

 

* * *

 

“Well by my stars,” Sam began in a fake southern accent while taking her seat. "If it isn’t Clark Kent. Here to grace me with all his artistic talent. Looking for inspiration for your next work?”

 

The broad man smiled at her pleasantly.

 

“It’s good to see you too, Sam. How have you been?” He asked.

 

_That fucking question…_

 

“Oh, you know… Another day, another near murder… Pretty average for me,” she responded with a shrug.

 

The man kept smiling, despite her savage tone.

 

“Are you getting along better with Grace?”

 

Sam’s eyes darkened at the mention of the other woman.

 

“Do I have to dignify that with an answer?”

 

He shrugged an action that looked almost comical on his large frame.

 

“Maybe she just needs a friend.”

 

Sam just stared at the man, wondering not for the first time if his Sesame Street attitude towards life was nothing but an elaborate act and one day, he would finally snap out of it and reveal he was petty and stupid like everyone else. 

 

“Then she should’ve become a daycare teacher,” she answered instead of voicing her thoughts remembering Jonn’s words. 

 

_You’ll be surprised how much more you can get out of people if you keep the nasty thoughts to yourself._

 

Like she didn’t already know that and use it to her every advantage.

 

“What are you doing here anyway?” 

 

The man’s smile tilted further upwards.

 

“I came to see you.”

 

At that, Sam did roll her eyes.

 

“Yes Clark, I gathered that,” she said dryly.

 

If it wasn’t for his occasionally insightful words, she really would wonder if he _belonged_ on Sesame Street.

 

As a puppet.

 

“I meant, what are you doing on this side of the country? I thought you were in the middle of some art… show… thing…”

 

He had mentioned something like that the last time she recalled, but she had partially deleted it from her brain out of lack of caring. 

 

“I am,” he said, a hint of pride colouring his voice. “I’ve been sponsored to showcase my work in National City.”

 

Two and two clicked together as Sam remembered what time of the year it was.

 

“Let me guess… L-Corp has sponsored you for their annual Mental Health Gala,” she said in a caustic voice. “Nepotism at it’s finest…”

 

The man was unaffected by her words, annoyingly.

 

“I’m really glad!” He said happy, drifting in his thoughts as he was often want to do. “I think this year Lena will raise more money than ever! I’m putting my paintings in the auction after my show ends.”

 

She shrugged, her own mind already drifting.

 

“I don’t care.”

 

Clark continued, either ignoring her words or oblivious to them.

 

“Kara is in the middle of her new book while looking after a baby which must be really hard-“

 

At the mention of the blonde bumblebee, Sam almost vomited.

 

“I _really_ don’t care.”

 

“-so Lena and she have been running around frantic, plus now that Ruby is staying with them-“

 

That caught her attention.

 

“What?” She asked sharply, her mind racing.

 

He blinked.

 

“Ruby, she’s moved in with Lena and Kara. I’m seeing them all tonight for dinner. Didn’t she tell you?”

 

Sam frowned, thinking.

 

“The school year isn’t finished,” she muttered, more to herself than to him. “Why is she in National City?”

 

“I don’t know,” he answered.

 

Sam was surprised steam didn’t pour from her ears.

 

“How is it,” she hissed through clenched teeth."That you know everything about everyone and manage to tell me _every fucking thing,_ but the one thing I actually want to know... you don’t know anything about?”

 

The man frowned, concern rolling off him and she could almost feel it hitting her walls and dying like weeds against poison.

 

“Calm down, Sam.”

 

She clenched her fists.

 

“Great, now Captain Nuts is telling me to calm down… What the hell is my life?” She questioned allowed, hoping the words hurt him.

 

The man’s concern didn’t dissipate.

 

“Sam, if you want to know about Ruby, why don’t you just call her?”

 

She felt like flipping the table but took a long and deep breath instead.

 

“Because, you idiot, she hasn’t answered a call from me in months. I can’t exactly force her to…”

 

Her mind stopped and skipped.

 

"Do you know how long she’s going to be in National City?” She asked excitedly.

 

The man recoiled at the strange enthusiasm in her voice.

 

“I don’t-“

 

The enthusiasm nosedived into frustration.

 

“You don’t know,” she said flatly, her eyes glazing over in anticipation of the continued boring conversation.

 

The dark-haired man watched her for a few seconds, before letting out a sad sigh. 

 

“Look, I think I’m going to go,” he said softly. “I think I upset you.”

 

She didn’t really care, but she knew the part of her that didn’t work _should_.

 

“You didn’t upset me, Clark,” she said honestly.

 

It wasn’t his fault he hardly ever asked the right questions. Because when he did, they were usually bloody good questions.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Clark frowned, the look seeming wrong on his face.

 

“I know it’s hard for you to believe, Sam. But I care about you.”

 

She swallowed dryly.

 

“That only makes you easier to manipulate.”

 

Clark gave her a half grin.

 

“But if you wanted to manipulate me, you wouldn’t tell me that you were trying to do it!”

 

She stared at him without expression, wondering again if he was real.

 

A thought pinging, that maybe he thought the same thing about her.

 

“Your logic, as ever, is flawless.”

 

The man’s smile broadened.

 

“It’ll be ok, Sam. You know what they say; everything will be alright in the end. And if it isn’t alright, then it isn’t the end!”

 

At that, she really struggled to contain her foulest of thoughts.

 

“Do I have to get a tattoo on my forehead that says, ‘Don’t bother with stupid quotes’?” She questioned instead. “Worthless shit….”

 

The man’s smile dampened but then turned sad and watchful. He eyed her seriously and she groaned internally at his inevitable well-meaning prod into her psyche.

 

“When was the last time you had a visitor, Sam?” He asked.

 

“When was the last time you were here?”

 

The man grew sadder and Sam grew repelled.

 

“It’s ok to have friends-“

 

She slammed her hand against the table.

 

“For the thousandth fucking time, I don’t have friends,” she spat out. “I’ve never had friends. The world is made up of two types of people, Clark. The users and the pawns. People always want something from you and if they don’t, they’re fools. You, my dear, are the perfect example. I am the worst possible charity case you could have picked to rehabilitate. Lena, that grade A martyr, gave up years ago and with good reason. Take a leaf out of her book and fuck off.”

 

He twitched in his seat and she could see that he was restraining himself from touching her.

 

Or worse, pulling her into a hug.

 

“No one is beyond redemption, Sam.”

 

Sam had enough.

 

“Oh would you look at the time,” she said, checking her bare wrist. “It seems visiting hours are over. I would say give my best to _darling_ Lena and _kind_ Kara, but I would be lying.”

 

The man nodded and she wondered if he even noted her disdain.

 

“I’ll come back and visit when I’m next in town.”

 

Sam didn’t bother to tell him she wouldn’t be here.

 

* * *

 

 

Just a quick note (long note) before you go.

 

ASPD or APD is an incredibly under-researched mental illness. A large majority of the research done is on violent criminal offenders and even there is often overlapped with Psychopathy and Sociopathy.

 

While there are overlaps with those conditions, ASPD is a different thing. If you are interested in knowing more and gaining a bit of extra knowledge I would urge you to do some research. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to wade through a bit to find anything meaningful.

 

Try searching ‘the differences between Psychopathy, Sociopathy and APD’. 

 

(Also, the jury is still out on whether people with APD can feel love at all, but again the majority of research is done on violent criminal offenders.)

 

It’ll be worth it! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANWAY, WHAT DID WE THINK? Let me know in the comments below. Or, now that I am Tumbling (is that right?) You can come and yell at me there. Be prepared for some mediocre, at best, sketches of how I see characters from my fics in my head, as well as a breadth of stuff I either find dripping in SuperCorp or I find funny. 
> 
> Apart from that, have a great day/night :)


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